Eagle Scout calls it Quits

Reprinted from APP.com:

Ihave chosen not to renew my membership in the National Eagle Scout Association because of the Boy Scouts' official policy of discrimination against gay people. I am ashamed an organization to which I owe so much has chosen to take such a myopic stance on this issue and hides behind a legal veil to exclude gay Scouts.

I hope my decision will prompt Boy Scouts of America executives to reflect on their narrow understanding of the terms "morally straight" and "clean." Scouts serve the public by doing good and by setting an example. They seek to better themselves and those around them.

As a youth member of Troop 142 in Middletown, with the Junior Leader Training Conference, and in the Order of the Arrow (Lodge 71), I gained many close friends who earned Eagle Scout. These were boys to whom I credit great courage, honesty and service. Some have grown up to identify themselves as gay men. They are men who have served in the armed forces and who have entered public service. These men embody the belief the American entrepreneurial spirit stands not for personal gain, but for the idea that any person can be a leader by his example and through his leadership can inspire others.

All of the Eagle Scouts I have known added to their communities in important ways, regardless of their sexual orientation. I fear the policy is driven by a shallow understanding of what it actually means to be gay.

As a boy in Scouting, I had no concept of "gay" or "straight," and most children are willing to accept differences if they see their elders accepting differences. It is possible, and necessary, that there be gay role models for young people. This would provide comfort to those young people struggling with the difficult questions of identity with which we all struggle.

I hope the Boy Scouts leadership will reconsider its stance.

Daniel W. Meyler

BROOKLYN

****

Back in the early years, I remember having gone on plenty of scouting trips. It was a different world back then with totally different pressures. My father for some reason felt that I should be enrolled and at first I didn't understand or really want to be a part of it. The closest troop met at a church three blocks from the house. I can't say that I remember any of the troop members there well. My second troop had some of my high school friends there and had much more fun. They were fun times.

Blogged with Flock

Sometimes....

you

       Feel

                   Like

                               the

                                                 World

                   Won't
                                             
                                  Stop.




and then, what can you do?

Blogged with Flock

Another Day

This last week has been a bit on the rough side. Filed the taxes, joy. But, didn't have to pay anything...so, that's always good. Valentine's came....and went. No special here except the one that involved orange dust and grilled lettuce. Odd, I know. That was the highlight!

Work brought me down harder than I expected. A bit of reality freshened the senses. Guess, I've never been one for loss of control. Follow the spiral.

Brings me to this movie. I remember when Paula said she wanted to watch this. But, we never seemed to be able to make it to the theater. So, I had to watch it when I saw it at the movie rental. A little romance couldn't hurt.  Well, the movie was kind of long...not sure if it was plot or character development or extended drama. It was cute and gets to try to warm the cockles of those single romantics everywhere.  What struck a chord was a line in the movie where she says, "this is who I am".

It is a powerful statement. I've used it in the past in one set of writings. But, yesterday, it brought a new perspective on my week. My work is not my being. While I should take pride in what I do, I should not confuse it with who I am. Often, I let it give me purpose and direction. But, I should remember that this is merely a facet of my productivity. I should strive to break free of my self-imposed chains and enjoy what Life has to offer.

Makes me wonder...what happened to 90-day Jane?

Blogged with Flock

Untitled

Sneak into my room

While I dream of you tonight.

Share your heat with me.

 

****

 

Nice to meet you too.

There have been others before.

You won’t be the last.

 

****

 

Do I miss my youth

As I look at you and see

What you represent

Blogged with Flock

Untitled

            She stopped looking past the bay windows into the empty night.  The moonlight that accompanied her moments ago in her effortless pacing had suddenly withdrawn its support.  Out and over the garden she searched but the moon remained hidden.  The soothing light obfuscated by a churning miasma of murky clouds.  Nothing was getting past those damnable clouds.

           

            She had to know. Something stirred.  It was there just past her grasp.  Her uneasiness had been growing over the last several nights.  She had dismissed the insomnia to her mundane world, a boring routine in a normal life. Not at all like the old days.

 

            Lavender blood.

 

            She could still smell it. It followed her.

 

            By all rights, it should have remained there, in the land of dreams.  She turned from the window and surveyed the room her eyes focused and steady. Her gaze was useless.  Nothing stood revealed.

 

            She hesitated. Once again, she turned to the night sky and shuddered.  The chaos swirled in eddies of red and purple with flashes of burning emptiness. “Indeed,” she thought to herself.  She steadied herself with two hands on the back of the chair beside her.

 

            With measured steps, she left the churning clouds behind her and escalated up the stairwell.  “Determination will only get you so far…” echoed a memory. “…and desire only brings trouble. Careful when you mix the two.” She could almost hear her mentor whispering the admonishment across time.  It had been so long ago.  The time of fancies and dalliances was at an end.

 

            Past the darkness of her bedroom chamber door, she skirted to the armoire on the far end of the room, bordered by a pair of long windows.  From the bottom drawer, she reached in and opened a hidden panel, the cedar creaked its reluctance as if trying to deny her passage. She would know.

 

Her resolve focused, she found the soothing leather feel.  The old familiar feeling had long been denied as her fingers danced across its long narrow body. Gingerly at first, she noted the edges of the box with both hands.  Slowly, she pulled it out of the bottom drawer and set it upon the nearby bed.

 

She traced her finger on the knotted design. As if from some deep slumber, the power awakened and the click of the clasp resounded, thunderous in its own right.  She began a small prayer and began lifting the lid. Her pitch and rhythm grew by the time she grasped the hilt. The prayer-now-chant stood out from the dissonant chaos in the outside maelstrom. The cascade fever was rising. The moonlight broke through the chaos at the crescendo peaked, cold forged steel glinting of silver light. And with that, the blade began its downward arc.

            It came again. The sweet scent of lavender assailed her senses blinding her from the outside world.  She couldn't resist taking a deeper breath. She could have sworn she heard...rain? It didn't matter she could feel the Rapture approaching and she would know.

 

Blogged with Flock

Denials of a Sterile Womb (reprinted)

Of all the days, why did I have to visit on your birthday. I didn’t know really. Back at the grounds, time stands still. Each day lived one excruciating day at a time. For those that are lucky enough, the Lifedread, as Madeline calls Her, has come for them.

But I couldn’t resist coming to visit. It has been so long and it’s not often that they let me leave the grounds. Even if we have to be escorted by one of their nurses. I thought—no, I felt that I needed to see you. I can feel that things will be different from this day forward. I can sense it. Bordering between pleasure and pain.

I really want to explain things. To let you know why I did the things I have done. To explain why our lives seem meaningless and pathetic. As you’ll see I had no choice. It wasn’t my fault. Not really.

How your eyes remind me so much of your grandfather. That’s where it all started. They were as dark as your and just as cold. How his eyes matched his personality. I remember a time when I could not remember him. When mom died, I was all he had left. Was I the cause? Surely, it wasn’t me. But, I am an only child. There was nobody else to blame but me. And so he did.

He touched me in more ways than I care to remember. In more ways than I can describe. Heavy hand. Soft hand. Not quite pain. Not quite pleasure. But ever present. I learned to forget what he did to me. But I learned. Sex was power. Sex was control. Those who controlled it, could control anyone. Yes, I learned to master this power. But how could others understand?

And when he died I had nowhere to go. Running to Granny’s for help. She never believed me. She would not accept what her son had done to me. She didn’t see the lost grandchild that I was. Her heavy hand never touched my body. Instead, it clenched and wrung out my soul. In her eyes, I was the worst of the worst for I was Sinner. And I found that living under the open hand of God to be just as cruel as my father’s. She warned me—if I didn’t repent, I would meet the Devil himself.

Well, she was halfway right. I met a man. Not like all the rest. He was different. I was no longer in control. I remember when unbridled lust was often killed by bitter sarcasm. My power. But it didn’t work. Not on him. Denial only seemed to fan the already burning inferno within him. And I was easily consumed by his fire. So easily destroyed.

Unwed and pregnant. Not only had he taken my control, my birthright. But he left me with his fortune. A burden that would ostracize me, no only form the family I had, but from the society of which I so desperately wanted to be a part of.

Don’t you see? There weren’t any choices to be made. Granny’s infernal morals kept me from abortion. Social rules and dishonor made me deliver you unto this world in secret. Claiming that you were abandoned on our doorstep. Taken in by our kindness, you would become part of the family. It was so easy. To believe in the words. To believe in the Deception. Protecting our fragile reality from breaking. Keeping our hands safe from the sharp shards of what we led others to believe. Breaking away from the morals we held so that we could uphold them.

You have to see it. Feel it. Anything to hide my shame. A thing I find lacking in myself. Wondering why I revel because of its absence.

And when it all fell apart, how easy it was to forget. Blocked within the deep confines of my soul. Locked away in the place of nightmares to protect my brittle mind. First your grandfather, then your father. It became so easy to hide the trials of life in the closets of my head. And then it happened. The accident. It weakened me. In body and soul. I was awaiting the Lifedread, my final reward. Yet it wasn’t who I was expecting. I was cheated eternal rest. I found myself greeted by the angelic demon, your father. I remembered everything in an instant. All those emotions. All the pain.

And there he stood gloating over the circumstances. He spoke and spoke about transgressions and forgiveness. I denied it. To let him suffer at the mercy of his own conscience. He handed me a gun. Weapon. Toy. Manmade Death. My key to revenge. He placed it in my hand and against his forehead. He wanted me to shoot. Yet, I resisted as he continued to ramble on and on about too many things. Mocking me. Pushing me to my limits. And finally, he succeeded.

He won.

Don’t you see? It’s his fault. All his fault. Had I not been raped, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Had he accepted responsibility, I could have borne a true son. Had I not been forced by society, I could have aborted you. And those words. Those damn words that he spoke. He turned me against you. It’s all his fault. He said that I would see him in you. And he was right. I did. And from that moment on, all was lost.

I shot him. Deader than dead. Then I was taken from you. Placed in the asylum. To meet others of my kind. Other, like Madeline, who felt, who experienced torments much like my own.

Now do you see? It’s not as simple as it seems. Do you understand now why I could, why I can’t love you? My poor, poor child. I pray to Heaven hoping that you understand. Praying that your father’s puppy doesn’t grow teeth. Because if it does, who would the world blame when it was loose?

Blogged with Flock

Craigslist Poetry

Gay music and video from NewNowNext.com

Blogged with Flock

Know Your Status

It's that little thing that no one wants to talk about. Driven by fear, fueled by ridicule, HIV has a way of  being an insidious beast waiting to strike on the unwary and the uninformed. Get your wake-up call and educate yourself.

The power of Myth. These are the notions that are the blueprints as to how we will react in given situations. Starting off with the wrong information will inevitably lead to you down the wrong path. HIV is our Shadow, personified indiscretion. See the common Myths.

• HIV Myths Put Through the Wringer (Podcast) (August 20, 2007)
  Dr. Luther Virgil from the Integrated Minority AIDS Network discusses -- and dispels -- some of the myths surrounding HIV
  In News & Notes, from National Public Radio
  
  
• AIDS Myths and Misunderstandings (April 26, 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From AIDS InfoNet

It starts with Knowing your Status.

• Types of HIV Tests (2008)
  From National Association of People With AIDS
  
  
• Ways to Test for HIV: Three Different Ways to Check If You Have HIV (May 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From Project Inform
  
  
• FAQs About the Worried Well (Regularly Updated)
  Worried that you are infected with HIV? Afraid to get tested? Read these questions and answers
  From The Body's "Ask the Experts" Forums
  
  
• HIV Testing (April 12, 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From AIDS InfoNet
  
  
• HIV Testing (September 14, 2007)
  In AIDS 101: Guide to HIV Basics, from San Francisco AIDS Foundation
  
  
  
• Testing for HIV (February 8, 2007)
  From U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Get Tested!

After the test, the wait of ages begins. Many question their choices. Bargain with themselves for the desired result. In the end, reality makes it's mark, the cross that some bear alone. In SATX, several agencies are available for to help you through.


So, the infection rates seems to be escalating again. Seems that the insurmountable task of changing the world defies logic. It starts with the individual and the choices that we make. At the heart, it is Unprotected Sex. Consistency of condom use helps. If only we could convince ourselves that we are safe all the time..."it won't hurt to skip it this one time".

The power of Stigma. Sources of stigma include fear of illness, fear of contagion, and fear of death. AIDS stigma negatively affects preventive behaviors such as condom use, HIV test-seeking behavior, care-seeking behavior upon diagnosis, quality of care given to HIV-positive patients, and perception and treatment of PLHA by communities, families, and partners (Gerbert et al. 1991; Herek 1990; Herek and Glunt1988).

If we didn't have to wrestle solely with that little voice in ourselves, we trust in others. Well, that is if you ask about your partner's status. Do you ask? Do you disclose?


Fantasy Vs. Reality

One of the leading theories is that the prevalence and increase in barebacking in adult movies reflects the increase in unprotected sex. The line that between fantasy and reality may be easy for some to see. But, for others, playing out what they see on the television emboldens them to take careless risks. Does seeing something taboo to the rest of society really send out piques to the collective unconscious? Is it as liberating as people would leave others to believe? Ultimately, only the individual has control. Make the right choice for you.

Over at Towleroad, the following was an exclusive premiere of Chi Chi LaRue's PSA message on the barebacking in the Adult Video Industry.





And, I won't even get into Drug-Use and it's effects.

It's not-so black and white.

Safe Journey to All.

Blogged with Flock