Sound Advice

Well, the NXE is finally out and I'm having a blast. Love the new avatars. Let's see how it will hold up against Mii's!

And netflix with the 360...fantabulous!

What are you waiting for....

and below a quick reprint to help ya along your gaming cyber way:

Seven tips to avoid being hacked on Xbox Live
by Dan 'Shoe' Hsu

Here are a few things you should do to protect your Xbox Live account, compiled from other users (special thanks to MDK x2002x), my own experiences, and Stephen Toulouse:

1. Don't answer your secret question with the real answer. Instead, select something completely unrelated (for example, First Pet = Will Tuttle) that you can remember, effectively giving you a second password.
   
2. In the "address 2" line of your profile, put down: "XBOX SUPPORT DO NOT ASSIST WITH ACCOUNT RECOVERY" to help automatically raise a red flag when a customer support rep looks up your account.
   
3. If you're planning on gaming away from your default console, put your account on a memory card or move it with your hard drive, as opposed to recovering it on another machine.
   
4. Never reveal any personal details about yourself while gaming over Xbox Live.
   
5. On that same note, go ahead and leave your profile's bio blank. No need to tell everyone where you live.
   
6. Limit the amount of information you put out there for everyone to see on social networking sites...or any website for that matter. Especially ones where you also have your Gamertag listed.
   
7. Create an Xbox Live passcode if you haven't already. To do this, select "My Xbox" on the Xbox dashboard and go to your profile, then go to "Account Management" then "Xbox Live Pass Code."

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Question of Love

Very moving monologue from Keith Olbermann:

please take a moment to listen...

Thanks Drew!

Election has come and gone and the buzz behind all the change is still settling down. In California, Prop. 8 passed. An indication that the gay and lesbian community is still not accepted or understood. Time and money will unravel even more drama as three lawsuits are challenging this new problem.

A good number of marches have been held. The Mormon church is under fire for it's blatant support on "yes on prop. 8". As a non-profit organization, the church broke the rules and a campaign to lose that status. Money talks and that would be a big blow.

Seen below, Drew Barrymore is seen addressing one of the protests. Thanks for the emotion and support!

The Song that Delayed Little Big Planet

There is beauty in poetry, in song, and in words.  Combine all the together and add a touch of Faith and things can go potentially wrong, especially if you happen to be Sony!

There was a big brouhaha that came out when the following song was found to be included in the upcoming-most-likely-to-be-a-smash-hit-and-save-the-PS3 game, Little Big Planet.









It turns out that this song takes a line or two from the Qur'an, apparently, a big no-no in the Muslim faith.

So, in a quick let's-save-our-collective-asses BEFORE it happens, Sony has delayed it's release, recalled the old copies, and created an update to block the track for those that already have the game (like in the Middle East!)...oy!

Mental note: translate and know everything...when you're a big corporation. Either that, or change how the masses think....and pray! ;)

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20x2 couples

...a glimpse into the lives of 20 couples for 2 mins each...superfast....

does it make YOU wonder?

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Prop 8 Shorts

The time grows closer.  Where lies Awareness?

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LBP and Love

apparently, someone wanted to propose via Little Big Planet...que cute!

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How to Become a Drag Queen...

in the breath of a song!

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Wonders will Never Cease

At the end of Batman: Gotham Knight, there was a special feature that was announcing the current WB project for an animated movie with Wonder Woman as it main protagonist.

While I'm not close to being a "number one" fan, I will admit that she does have a certain appeal that is undeniable.  I'm sure many a schoolboy had a restless dream involving Linda Carter...

Enjoy the clip!

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Lazy Sundays

work was brutal this weekend.

barely surviving.

need less stress.

nothing like a little R&R to regain perspective. if only I didn't stay up till 8AM.

though....payroll's coming. ugh!

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Bday Day

Well, guess it's time to start growing old...

hit 37 today. not sure where that puts me in the grand scheme of things. in theory, it could end at any time...so, it's just one more day in the ticking clock that would be my life. Not sure if it's pessimistic to view it that way, but we will all end one day and I'm not quite sure what my mark has been as of yet.

work was so-so. went out with the girls to stockyard afterwards for a few drinks.

ah, life.

oh...and daniel gave me the coolest painting.

see for yourself!

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E3 '08 Microsoft News

time to wet your pants folks....

the XBLA blade system is in for a change!




are you ready?

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By the water's edge

you will find the solace. the disquietude that follows turmoil shall ebb away.

leave nothing but the calm.

the loneliness.

of yesterday.

where competition fades.

and only we remain.

shadows of what won't be.

the taste of fantasy.

the hint of destiny. wrapped all in one.

undo the ribbon that binds everything.

and nothing.

flutter. the future. before us..

like a butterfly. from larvae.

to flight.

run away with me.

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Mother is the Word for God...

on the lips and hearts of all children.*

One of my favorite lines from the Crow, a classic movie with Brandon Lee back from the 90's.  It sums up appropriately what mothers are to all children.

It pains me that the universals of childhood and life can be so painful. When we as adults look back on our lives, we finally learn to see the sacrifices that our parents have made for us along the way.

For some, this isn't even an option.

For not being a person who shares easily...there comes a time to remind everyone to forge those ties with the people you love.

time is precious.

love is finite.

choose wisely.

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Dr. Horrible!

Running across the net, you'll never know what you'll find.




Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

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*happy couples make me nauseous*

so...the end of the night finally comes...

it was slightly a trying day. forecast was a bit off and looking back in the week, it was fairly good fortune that we stumbled upon last year's actual numbers.

I didn't add many more for the evening because I didn't want to overdo it.

we didn't get our asses kicked and that was what mattered.

anyway, i was taken aback by the question that an employee inquired about:

is there any animosity between you and [editor's note: i shouldn't really tell]?

now, i will admit that it caught me off-guard. i wasn't sure where the question was stemming from...was it from this particular day, was i a bit more peculiar today than i normally am?

i stated that there was no animosity between us. i clearly delineated that we were coworkers and that there was no like/dislike feelings, and that i thought i was rather respectful and within my regular professional ground.

so...here's to the i going to get married soon...

if you refer to sex with your girlfriend as "ugly sex"...

please don't expect me to think you're "happy in love".

yes, i hear everything.

i know things.

anyway...

the following movie looks interesting.

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Slipping Away

Go ahead...
give up on me
on forever
and yesterday.

Forget what...
we have been through,
the nights we shared,
the couple we are.

Everything...
will fall apart,
will turn to dust,
will be complete.

Do you think...
it will be fine
when you are gone?
I am afraid.

I will wait...
to forget your face,
to be alone,
to cry no more.

Now to...
release this guilt
that keeps me from
looking forward.
photo: by symbole
 

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Yesterday - Friday the 13th - the beginning

Was quite a bit of an experience.

So, of course, I wake up late due to my late night shenanigans of doing absolutely nothing productive and making my poor infected thumb worse by playing a bit more on the PSP. darn that Kratos and the Hades' challenges!

Check the phone as usual...being a nightowl, I tend to miss all those morning people calls, texts, and whatnot. My brother called. Three times. Now, I never hear from my brother, but he's in Austin and I got a discounted room for him there. He's on some sort of party weekend with this motorcycle buddies. *sigh* Didn't feel like calling him just quite yet and I did have to start getting ready for work.

Showered, read the usual "AM" blog reads and got ready for work. Took off at 20 till and figured I'd be pushing the envelope with my work punctuality. Never good. But, I remembered that I had to make a deposit at the secondary bank. ugh!

Dropped by the local Valero to pull out some cash. No luck, system down. Grrr!  Tried getting a new mocha rockstar drink and...waiting....waiting....waiting. Apparently, it was somehow centered on their phone system so both the ATM and all CC transactions were taking a long-ass time! double grr!

Figured I'd head out to the secondary bank, take the hit for the ATM fee and make the deposit from there. No luck, again. They have two outdoor ATM's. One was being serviced and the other didn't like my card. Went inside and while I was there apparently, there was trouble. Needless to say, it was an adventure. Someone decides to die while I'm running late for work. The parking lot gets swamped with cops and an ambulance. I figure the guy must not have made it. Never a good sign when the ambulance DOESN'T leave. So, I weasel my way out after being unable to do anything as there is no indoor ATM and they can't access my other account on the premise that I have a VISA vs. a MC card.

patience, patience!

So, I text Xia and Luis to let them know I'm running late. Xia calls me back and she too is on her way to work. We're chatting along and I come upon an accident scene on the major turn to work. Yea highway of death!

this is so not my day.

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Mapmaker

Tonight was a bit odd...I was just stopping at the gas station for a vitamin water when an unusual thing happened. Well, first of all, it wasn't my "normal" gas station to begin with....I dropped by the shell station off of I-10 and DeZavala. 

Apparently, no one trusts the vampires that walk the night and so their doors were locked and had the traditional bank vault drawer that equaled to the "insert money - get item" system.  Well, while I was waiting for that to finalize, some guy walks up to me and asks, "how well do you know this area?"

"fairly well, I would say," I replied.

"We're looking for blah-blah-blah apts."

"Those don't sound familiar," I countered...and a small part of me went through the quick inventory of apartments and tricks in the immediate area. Not very comforting. I reassured myself that I knew at least some of them from a slightly more "just cause" mentality.

They gave me a counter-street and I directed him and now his wife/girlfriend who I walked up to so that she would hear the directions too. Figured if they both got a dose, it'd be better than one misinterpreting all my hard work.

Well, while THAT was wrapping up and I started heading to my car, a SECOND, guy was now at the window asking for directions to Fort Sam. Now he was a bit on the muscle-y side, and he too, had a girlfriend waiting in the midst. He complained how he had been driving around for the last hour and a half and could not find I-35 yet.

I hid my musings of how military people are normally trained in this "find your way out of the jungle with a flashlight, a knife, and a map" routine.  But, I tried not to think of it too heavily.  His aggression was rather high and I reached into the car and pulled out a scrap paper. I reviewed the whole "two rings" of San Antonio theory and explained my guest attempt to get him to Fort Sam.  I haven't been over in that part since the army guy...but, that's a good Don't Ask, Don't Tell kinda story.

I juggled my vitamin water and headed out along my mary way.

Wonder if those were good deeds done, or if I sent them to their doom.

No one said we'd have closure...

such is life!

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Google Image Result for http://caosblog.com/images/elephantintheroom.jpg

this is how work feels.

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Jonny McGovern!

Might not be the cutest out there...but he does have some good, funny songs out there...

Don't Fall In Love With A Homo
Uploaded by gaynerd

Lookin' Cute/Feelin' Cute by Jonny McGovern
Uploaded by gaynerd

Soccer Practice by Jonny McGovern
Uploaded by gaynerd

Rich

is the man who can make you smile.

Poor
is the wife who waits for the man who dallies about.

Sad
is the child who loses faith in magic.

Happy
is the elder who is received in the heavens.

Bright
is the star of the show.

Dull
is the porn playing in the background.

In the end, we live our lives.
Till our dying breath.
leaves for nothing else.

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Bully For You...

it probably began since time immemorial...when the first group of whatnots picked on the other whatnot. no whatnot games for  you!

*smack*

and...where have we gotten to now?

guns in school. kids planning things only dreamed of in fiction. now, reality.


FACTS

---

Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency, while 15-20% report they bully others with some frequency (Melton et al, 1988; Nansel et al, 2001).

Young people who bully are more likely than those who don't bully to skip school and drop out of school. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights (Nansel et al, 2003; Olweus, 1993).

As many as 160,000 students may stay home on any given day because they're afraid of being bullied (Pollack, 1998).

Children who bully are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. And 60% of boys who were bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24 (Olweus, 1993).

(REPRINTED FROM Stop Bullying Now: Take a Stand, Lend a Hand. Please visit and learn more about bullying!)

WHY?

* Because Others do it
* Because I want to be in the right crowd
* Because I feel stronger, smarter, or better (domination, jealousy)
* Because it keeps Others from bullying Me


EFFECTS?

Behaviors may include name calling, verbal or written abuse, exclusion from activities, exclusion from social situations, physical abuse, or coercion (Carey, 2003; Whitted & Dupper, 2005).

Victims Suffer:
* long term emotional and behavioral problems
            loneliness
            depression
            anxiety,
            low self-esteem
            increased susceptibility to illness.

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A bit of haiku

Do not judge me here.
Do you need an audience
to make you better?

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Sleepwalking

Vigorously flow the streams of rust and salt
    when you laid your hands upon me and mine.
    splaid out before you, aghast and sundered
    amidst that dancing blade of bitterness
    you humbly wielded each unplanned attack.

    Face of mine own Confessor tried to balk
    idly while voices lost around pantomime
    of smoke-filled rooms and mirrors enumbered.
    The only foreigner was my own self.
    I close my eyes; I should have known better.
   
    What difference will a day or two make
    to count back the number of the mistakes
    where words are lost in imagination
    and what should be rage brings only musings
    and disappointment, maybe resentment.

    Revisit the past in the morrow tide.
    come inside and give everything you are
    or be sanctified in misgiving id.
    Dispel notions of possibility
    For this is the way things are meant to be.

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Amber - Revisited

I stood.

I mourned.

I listened.

To the tears. to the memories. to Love.

I left quietly.
 
Left thinking.

Another death of someone so young.  Another reminder.

No matter how long or short the walk. It is the Journey shared.

Ours had come and gone.

But the memory was clear. The happiness, the joy, and the smile.

These I would carry with me.

But, there more thoughts came to mind.

things in my life.

Of things unsaid. Of things undone. Of Life's little ticking clock.

There is no snooze button.

No magic reset button.

Live life.  Love freely. Teach compassion. Make your mark.

You don't need a wake-up call.

Safe Journey to all.

Lord, say the Word and I shall be Yours.

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Portal Song

If you're an xbox 360 fan, then you already know that the Half-Life: Portal game is out there and making a HUGE SUCCESS. This is the video that totally rocks as the end credits song.

HUGE spoiler alert! Listen and Read at your own risk!

It makes me very happy.

Even.

Though.

the.

cake.

was.

a.

lie!

Lyrics to Portal credits: Still Alive

This was a triumph
I'm making a note here
HUGE SUCCESS
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science

we do what we must because we can
for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead
but there's no sense crying over every mistake
you just keep on trying until you run out of cake
and the science gets done and you make a neat gun
for the people who are still alive

I'm not even angry
I'm being so sincere right now
even though you broke my heart and killed me
and torn into pieces
and threw every piece into a fire
as they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a wonderful line
and we're out of beta, we're releasing on time
so I'm glad I got burned
Think of all the things we learned for the people that are still alive

go ahead and leave me
I think I prefer to stay inside
maybe you'll find someone else to help you
maybe black mesa
that was a joke, haha, fat chance
anyway this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist
look at me still talking, when there's science to do
when I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
on the people who are still alive

and believe me I am still alive
I'm doing science and I'm still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive
While you are dying I'll be still alive
and when you're dead I'll be still alive
STILL ALIVE, still alive

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Force Unleashed!

This first clip shows that there will be a special introductory mission where the player will be able to play Darth Vader. He battles on the Wookie homeworld, Kashyyyk, and finds his new apprentice, the main player character in Star Wars, The Force Unleashed.



This second video highlights the differences that will be available throughout the different consoles. For the most part, many games are pretty much the same (barring vid quality) for each console. An emerging trend seems to be making its way to the masses. Games are now becoming console specific and what used to be Variant Cover/Same Story in comic book comparison, is shaping out even more possibilities and daring challenges to true completionists.

For example, the Wii will be maximizing the motion sensitivity of the nunchuck and wiimote. You, too, can now use the Force in your own living room to have the screen show your character's light saber mimick your motions or send an enemy thrown back with a Force Push!

The PS2 has been worked with a new physics engine. Expect tons more flying people and objects and destructible backgrounds. Stress management, anyone? An added bonus to the "last gen" system is that it will have exclusive missions not available on the other consoles.

PSP version of the game is being touted as a "pick-up-and-go" immersion. Lucas-approved "classic" missions will have you fighting key scenes from SW episodes 1-6. with the added bonus of using SW: TFU powers.

And finally, the DS version has combos that one can string together using the touch screen to control the actions of your hero. It will also feature several different multiplayer modes.

Decisions will need to be made. Start saving your pennies boys and girls! You only have the summer to decide. Make your reservations soon!

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Torchwood Season Two Ends...

soooo, thanks to the modern miracle of the internet and some helpful people from across the way, I was able to keep up with Torchwood Season Two.  I will agree that this has been one outrageous show and was loads better than Season One.  Each of the characters was able to grow a bit this season and we definitely were able to see their characterization.  Actors did a fantabulous job as well.

Won't do any spoilers, except for the nice appearance of James Marsters at the beginning and end of the season.  Here's to hoping that there will be a great Season Three.

Now, the wait.  Amazing how space/time rifts only function when you don't want them too!

*pout*

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Stop and Listen...

Embedded Video

For the world has something to say

if you only give it the time

that it takes for a heart to die.

you would ask for yourself alone.

Would you, in your arrogant ways,

ignore the voice of despair?

Walk past with an air of disdain?

Remember those who have left us.

You, mighty heir of tomorrow,

with the plain grace of touch and psalm

give faith to those who need it most.

For in you, with you, I believe.

But, what strength and vice this shadow

seemingly grows and takes such hold

of my fear that you, too, shall leave.

But, my love lives past the mourning.

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Will

Sing the melody that makes me smile

Take me back to the day again

Buried in the face of yesterday

Where I could laugh and smile without fear

Of

All

Of

Them

Staring back at me wondering why

I was so different, strange, and odd

Not like all the other boys my age

Swinging and running and forsaking

There

I

Stood

Alone

Lost between the world of thought and dream

Making my own way across the way

In the shadow of the cross and bell

I would not wake for there was no Loss

And

Where

Are

You?

The Eye of the Silver Mother shines

At the end of the sky you will know

There is no need for word or sorrow

That there are things of love Eternal.

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Spring Break Hell

How can you stop
five hundred hungry mouths
and 1000 little feet
from invading your space
taking your food
and saying you suck?

With a smile,
of course!

oh.
and.
don't.
forget.
allergy season.
drip.
cough.
sneeze.

mmm, drugs.
ooo, and battlestar galactica season three!
though i almost fell for enchanted...grr! sharon! you got that song stuck in my head!

Everybody wants to live happily ever after
Everybody wants to know their true love is true
How do you know he loves you?
How do you know he's yours?

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The Weekend

                                 

So...this week at work has been crazy. Suffice to say, I needed these last two days off.

My sister just turned 21 and planned this weekend out a couple of weeks ago. Was afraid I might not get the time off because of Spring Break and its effect on work. Luckily, I got them.

Got out really late on Thursday and wasn't able to head home after work like I wanted too. Still had to pack, pick up the dog, and whatnot.  Went home, watched an episode of Torchwood and went to bed.

Woke up late on Friday morning and had to rush to catch up on all the tasks at hand. Eventually, three hours after waking, I finally had all my stuff together and drove home. They're now expanding the I-69 corridor just south of San Antonio. Non-stop fun for the next few months...oh, who am I kidding, that'll take years to complete.

Got home, chatted with the family and took a shower. Got ready and headed to the mall because my sister wanted to buy a pair of shoes she put on hold. We then went to P.F. Chang's and had dinner. Food was great, service was terrible. I'm such a harsh critic.  Dropped by the house to freshen up, gassed up at the nearby convenience store and then headed to the Trade Bar in McAllen.

It was still fairly early, just after 2230 and the place was kind of empty. The staff was trying to hype up the "Green Party" for the evening and so, we waited for my sister's friends to show up.  We danced a bit as it was just after midnight and the place was starting to fill and still no sign of her friends. Eventually, when the drag show started, they appeared. The show was entertaining and not TOO over-the-top. The new girl had backup dancers for support. Some club kid tried to hog the show when "soldier" was playing. AND, my sister go "crowned" with a plastic St. Patty's day headband for her birthday. TG, it helped finding her on the dancefloor that much easier for the rest of the night.

McAllen, apparently, has a drought on hot guys. The best looking guy turned out to be one of the first ones I spotted there on arrival. He was the bartender for the back bar. While everyone else "lost" their shirt pretty early, he kept his on for the most part. Did manage to see him with it unbuttoned at the end of the night. Me-ow! At least, I didn't trip the minx that was walking out with him at close.

We ended up grabbing some Whataburger on the way home and watched Bee Movie in bed.

It was great.

Today, we ran errands, cleaned the car, walked to Wendy's, and grabbed some pan dulce. She ended up detailing my car. She is crazy! She is my little Gorda, my sister, my everything.

It's hard to let go. She is an adult and still I am overprotective. All I can hope for is that I taught her what she should know for a healthy productive life. Maybe, she can find happiness where I could not. Whatever her birthday wish, she made me feel proud and alive this weekend. And, for that, I am truly grateful.

To you, Hilda, my love eternal. Happy Belated and many, many more!

****
Trade Bar in the heart of Mcallen,Ten minutes from Mexico, 45 minutes from South Padre Island, best night Thursday night as it has been for three years. Male strippers, Diva show, amature strip off this is the place to be on Thursdays! Open 7 days a week from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. Bar is 18 to come 21 to swallow!! Thursday nights the bar evolves into a club with a live D.J. and shows and the hottest and friendliest staff of any club in South Texas!! Check out the web site at TradeBarMcallen.com and see for yourself!!

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And in a Tribute...

to the last post.

This song is fantabulous!

50 gayest songs of all time...

according to http://www.samesame.com.au

(reprinted)

And the Gayest Songs Of All Time Are....

Local News, By Tim D, 5th March, 2008

To help celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, last month we asked you to vote for what songs out of the vast catalogue of musical history you think deserve to be called camp classics.

We received thousands of votes, and now that they have all been counted counted and triple-checked, we’re proud to finally reveal exactly what songs have made it into the final list of the Gayest Songs of All Time.

In the true spirit of a countdown, we’re going to be run through the list backwards, from 50 through to one. Drum roll please….the Gayest Songs of All Time, from 50 to 21, are:

50. Elton John and George Michael “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
49. Dead or Alive “You Spin Me (Like A Record)”
48. Pet Shop Boys “New York City Boy”
47. Diana Ross “Chain Reaction”
46. Deborah Harry “I Want That Man”
45. Cher “Strong Enough”
44. RuPaul “Supermodel (You Better Work)”
43. KD Lang “Constant Craving”
42. Culture Club “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”
41. Chaka Kham “I’m Every Woman”
40. Wham “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
39. Paul Lekakis “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room)
38. Kym Mazelle “Young Hearts Run Free”
37. George Michael “Outside”
36. Donna Summer “I Feel Love”
35. Dannii Minogue “This Is It”
34. Belinda Carlisle “Summer Rain”
33. Peter Allen “I Go To Rio”
32. Sylvester “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real”
31. Heather Small “Proud”
30. CeCe Peniston “Finally”
29. Madonna “Express Yourself”
28. Cyndi Lauper “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
27. Charlene “I’ve Never Been To Me”
26. Tim Curry “Sweet Transvestite”
25. Barry Manilow “Copacabana”
24. Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer “No More Tears”
23. Whitney Houston “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”
22. Sister Sledge “We Are Family”
21. Queen “I Want To Break Free”

And the Top 20 are....

20. Dolly Parton "9 to 5"
19. Coming Out Crew "Free, Gay And Happy"
18. Village People "In The Navy"
17. Frankie Goes To Hollywood "Relax"
16. Village People "Macho Man"
15. Judy Garland "Over The Rainbow"
14. Bronski Beat "Smalltown Boy"
13. Diana Ross "I'm Coming Out"
12. Cher "Believe"
11. Gloria Gaynor "I Am What I Am"
10. Alicia Bridges "I Love The Nightlife"
9. Madonna "Vogue"
8. Olivia Netwon-John "Xanadu"
7. Kylie Minogue "Better The Devil You Know"
6. Pet Shop Boys "Go West"
5. Kylie Minogue "Your Disco Needs You"
4. The Weathergirls "It's Raining Men"
3. Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
2. Village People "YMCA"
1. ABBA "Dancing Queen"

***

well, considering that 14 out of the top 20 are in my smaller Zune...I'm not so sure if I want to know how many of the 50 I have ;)

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Eagle Scout calls it Quits

Reprinted from APP.com:

Ihave chosen not to renew my membership in the National Eagle Scout Association because of the Boy Scouts' official policy of discrimination against gay people. I am ashamed an organization to which I owe so much has chosen to take such a myopic stance on this issue and hides behind a legal veil to exclude gay Scouts.

I hope my decision will prompt Boy Scouts of America executives to reflect on their narrow understanding of the terms "morally straight" and "clean." Scouts serve the public by doing good and by setting an example. They seek to better themselves and those around them.

As a youth member of Troop 142 in Middletown, with the Junior Leader Training Conference, and in the Order of the Arrow (Lodge 71), I gained many close friends who earned Eagle Scout. These were boys to whom I credit great courage, honesty and service. Some have grown up to identify themselves as gay men. They are men who have served in the armed forces and who have entered public service. These men embody the belief the American entrepreneurial spirit stands not for personal gain, but for the idea that any person can be a leader by his example and through his leadership can inspire others.

All of the Eagle Scouts I have known added to their communities in important ways, regardless of their sexual orientation. I fear the policy is driven by a shallow understanding of what it actually means to be gay.

As a boy in Scouting, I had no concept of "gay" or "straight," and most children are willing to accept differences if they see their elders accepting differences. It is possible, and necessary, that there be gay role models for young people. This would provide comfort to those young people struggling with the difficult questions of identity with which we all struggle.

I hope the Boy Scouts leadership will reconsider its stance.

Daniel W. Meyler

BROOKLYN

****

Back in the early years, I remember having gone on plenty of scouting trips. It was a different world back then with totally different pressures. My father for some reason felt that I should be enrolled and at first I didn't understand or really want to be a part of it. The closest troop met at a church three blocks from the house. I can't say that I remember any of the troop members there well. My second troop had some of my high school friends there and had much more fun. They were fun times.

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Sometimes....

you

       Feel

                   Like

                               the

                                                 World

                   Won't
                                             
                                  Stop.




and then, what can you do?

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Another Day

This last week has been a bit on the rough side. Filed the taxes, joy. But, didn't have to pay anything...so, that's always good. Valentine's came....and went. No special here except the one that involved orange dust and grilled lettuce. Odd, I know. That was the highlight!

Work brought me down harder than I expected. A bit of reality freshened the senses. Guess, I've never been one for loss of control. Follow the spiral.

Brings me to this movie. I remember when Paula said she wanted to watch this. But, we never seemed to be able to make it to the theater. So, I had to watch it when I saw it at the movie rental. A little romance couldn't hurt.  Well, the movie was kind of long...not sure if it was plot or character development or extended drama. It was cute and gets to try to warm the cockles of those single romantics everywhere.  What struck a chord was a line in the movie where she says, "this is who I am".

It is a powerful statement. I've used it in the past in one set of writings. But, yesterday, it brought a new perspective on my week. My work is not my being. While I should take pride in what I do, I should not confuse it with who I am. Often, I let it give me purpose and direction. But, I should remember that this is merely a facet of my productivity. I should strive to break free of my self-imposed chains and enjoy what Life has to offer.

Makes me wonder...what happened to 90-day Jane?

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Untitled

Sneak into my room

While I dream of you tonight.

Share your heat with me.

 

****

 

Nice to meet you too.

There have been others before.

You won’t be the last.

 

****

 

Do I miss my youth

As I look at you and see

What you represent

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Untitled

            She stopped looking past the bay windows into the empty night.  The moonlight that accompanied her moments ago in her effortless pacing had suddenly withdrawn its support.  Out and over the garden she searched but the moon remained hidden.  The soothing light obfuscated by a churning miasma of murky clouds.  Nothing was getting past those damnable clouds.

           

            She had to know. Something stirred.  It was there just past her grasp.  Her uneasiness had been growing over the last several nights.  She had dismissed the insomnia to her mundane world, a boring routine in a normal life. Not at all like the old days.

 

            Lavender blood.

 

            She could still smell it. It followed her.

 

            By all rights, it should have remained there, in the land of dreams.  She turned from the window and surveyed the room her eyes focused and steady. Her gaze was useless.  Nothing stood revealed.

 

            She hesitated. Once again, she turned to the night sky and shuddered.  The chaos swirled in eddies of red and purple with flashes of burning emptiness. “Indeed,” she thought to herself.  She steadied herself with two hands on the back of the chair beside her.

 

            With measured steps, she left the churning clouds behind her and escalated up the stairwell.  “Determination will only get you so far…” echoed a memory. “…and desire only brings trouble. Careful when you mix the two.” She could almost hear her mentor whispering the admonishment across time.  It had been so long ago.  The time of fancies and dalliances was at an end.

 

            Past the darkness of her bedroom chamber door, she skirted to the armoire on the far end of the room, bordered by a pair of long windows.  From the bottom drawer, she reached in and opened a hidden panel, the cedar creaked its reluctance as if trying to deny her passage. She would know.

 

Her resolve focused, she found the soothing leather feel.  The old familiar feeling had long been denied as her fingers danced across its long narrow body. Gingerly at first, she noted the edges of the box with both hands.  Slowly, she pulled it out of the bottom drawer and set it upon the nearby bed.

 

She traced her finger on the knotted design. As if from some deep slumber, the power awakened and the click of the clasp resounded, thunderous in its own right.  She began a small prayer and began lifting the lid. Her pitch and rhythm grew by the time she grasped the hilt. The prayer-now-chant stood out from the dissonant chaos in the outside maelstrom. The cascade fever was rising. The moonlight broke through the chaos at the crescendo peaked, cold forged steel glinting of silver light. And with that, the blade began its downward arc.

            It came again. The sweet scent of lavender assailed her senses blinding her from the outside world.  She couldn't resist taking a deeper breath. She could have sworn she heard...rain? It didn't matter she could feel the Rapture approaching and she would know.

 

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Denials of a Sterile Womb (reprinted)

Of all the days, why did I have to visit on your birthday. I didn’t know really. Back at the grounds, time stands still. Each day lived one excruciating day at a time. For those that are lucky enough, the Lifedread, as Madeline calls Her, has come for them.

But I couldn’t resist coming to visit. It has been so long and it’s not often that they let me leave the grounds. Even if we have to be escorted by one of their nurses. I thought—no, I felt that I needed to see you. I can feel that things will be different from this day forward. I can sense it. Bordering between pleasure and pain.

I really want to explain things. To let you know why I did the things I have done. To explain why our lives seem meaningless and pathetic. As you’ll see I had no choice. It wasn’t my fault. Not really.

How your eyes remind me so much of your grandfather. That’s where it all started. They were as dark as your and just as cold. How his eyes matched his personality. I remember a time when I could not remember him. When mom died, I was all he had left. Was I the cause? Surely, it wasn’t me. But, I am an only child. There was nobody else to blame but me. And so he did.

He touched me in more ways than I care to remember. In more ways than I can describe. Heavy hand. Soft hand. Not quite pain. Not quite pleasure. But ever present. I learned to forget what he did to me. But I learned. Sex was power. Sex was control. Those who controlled it, could control anyone. Yes, I learned to master this power. But how could others understand?

And when he died I had nowhere to go. Running to Granny’s for help. She never believed me. She would not accept what her son had done to me. She didn’t see the lost grandchild that I was. Her heavy hand never touched my body. Instead, it clenched and wrung out my soul. In her eyes, I was the worst of the worst for I was Sinner. And I found that living under the open hand of God to be just as cruel as my father’s. She warned me—if I didn’t repent, I would meet the Devil himself.

Well, she was halfway right. I met a man. Not like all the rest. He was different. I was no longer in control. I remember when unbridled lust was often killed by bitter sarcasm. My power. But it didn’t work. Not on him. Denial only seemed to fan the already burning inferno within him. And I was easily consumed by his fire. So easily destroyed.

Unwed and pregnant. Not only had he taken my control, my birthright. But he left me with his fortune. A burden that would ostracize me, no only form the family I had, but from the society of which I so desperately wanted to be a part of.

Don’t you see? There weren’t any choices to be made. Granny’s infernal morals kept me from abortion. Social rules and dishonor made me deliver you unto this world in secret. Claiming that you were abandoned on our doorstep. Taken in by our kindness, you would become part of the family. It was so easy. To believe in the words. To believe in the Deception. Protecting our fragile reality from breaking. Keeping our hands safe from the sharp shards of what we led others to believe. Breaking away from the morals we held so that we could uphold them.

You have to see it. Feel it. Anything to hide my shame. A thing I find lacking in myself. Wondering why I revel because of its absence.

And when it all fell apart, how easy it was to forget. Blocked within the deep confines of my soul. Locked away in the place of nightmares to protect my brittle mind. First your grandfather, then your father. It became so easy to hide the trials of life in the closets of my head. And then it happened. The accident. It weakened me. In body and soul. I was awaiting the Lifedread, my final reward. Yet it wasn’t who I was expecting. I was cheated eternal rest. I found myself greeted by the angelic demon, your father. I remembered everything in an instant. All those emotions. All the pain.

And there he stood gloating over the circumstances. He spoke and spoke about transgressions and forgiveness. I denied it. To let him suffer at the mercy of his own conscience. He handed me a gun. Weapon. Toy. Manmade Death. My key to revenge. He placed it in my hand and against his forehead. He wanted me to shoot. Yet, I resisted as he continued to ramble on and on about too many things. Mocking me. Pushing me to my limits. And finally, he succeeded.

He won.

Don’t you see? It’s his fault. All his fault. Had I not been raped, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Had he accepted responsibility, I could have borne a true son. Had I not been forced by society, I could have aborted you. And those words. Those damn words that he spoke. He turned me against you. It’s all his fault. He said that I would see him in you. And he was right. I did. And from that moment on, all was lost.

I shot him. Deader than dead. Then I was taken from you. Placed in the asylum. To meet others of my kind. Other, like Madeline, who felt, who experienced torments much like my own.

Now do you see? It’s not as simple as it seems. Do you understand now why I could, why I can’t love you? My poor, poor child. I pray to Heaven hoping that you understand. Praying that your father’s puppy doesn’t grow teeth. Because if it does, who would the world blame when it was loose?

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Craigslist Poetry

Gay music and video from NewNowNext.com

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Know Your Status

It's that little thing that no one wants to talk about. Driven by fear, fueled by ridicule, HIV has a way of  being an insidious beast waiting to strike on the unwary and the uninformed. Get your wake-up call and educate yourself.

The power of Myth. These are the notions that are the blueprints as to how we will react in given situations. Starting off with the wrong information will inevitably lead to you down the wrong path. HIV is our Shadow, personified indiscretion. See the common Myths.

• HIV Myths Put Through the Wringer (Podcast) (August 20, 2007)
  Dr. Luther Virgil from the Integrated Minority AIDS Network discusses -- and dispels -- some of the myths surrounding HIV
  In News & Notes, from National Public Radio
  
  
• AIDS Myths and Misunderstandings (April 26, 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From AIDS InfoNet

It starts with Knowing your Status.

• Types of HIV Tests (2008)
  From National Association of People With AIDS
  
  
• Ways to Test for HIV: Three Different Ways to Check If You Have HIV (May 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From Project Inform
  
  
• FAQs About the Worried Well (Regularly Updated)
  Worried that you are infected with HIV? Afraid to get tested? Read these questions and answers
  From The Body's "Ask the Experts" Forums
  
  
• HIV Testing (April 12, 2007)
  To read PDF, click here
  From AIDS InfoNet
  
  
• HIV Testing (September 14, 2007)
  In AIDS 101: Guide to HIV Basics, from San Francisco AIDS Foundation
  
  
  
• Testing for HIV (February 8, 2007)
  From U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Get Tested!

After the test, the wait of ages begins. Many question their choices. Bargain with themselves for the desired result. In the end, reality makes it's mark, the cross that some bear alone. In SATX, several agencies are available for to help you through.


So, the infection rates seems to be escalating again. Seems that the insurmountable task of changing the world defies logic. It starts with the individual and the choices that we make. At the heart, it is Unprotected Sex. Consistency of condom use helps. If only we could convince ourselves that we are safe all the time..."it won't hurt to skip it this one time".

The power of Stigma. Sources of stigma include fear of illness, fear of contagion, and fear of death. AIDS stigma negatively affects preventive behaviors such as condom use, HIV test-seeking behavior, care-seeking behavior upon diagnosis, quality of care given to HIV-positive patients, and perception and treatment of PLHA by communities, families, and partners (Gerbert et al. 1991; Herek 1990; Herek and Glunt1988).

If we didn't have to wrestle solely with that little voice in ourselves, we trust in others. Well, that is if you ask about your partner's status. Do you ask? Do you disclose?


Fantasy Vs. Reality

One of the leading theories is that the prevalence and increase in barebacking in adult movies reflects the increase in unprotected sex. The line that between fantasy and reality may be easy for some to see. But, for others, playing out what they see on the television emboldens them to take careless risks. Does seeing something taboo to the rest of society really send out piques to the collective unconscious? Is it as liberating as people would leave others to believe? Ultimately, only the individual has control. Make the right choice for you.

Over at Towleroad, the following was an exclusive premiere of Chi Chi LaRue's PSA message on the barebacking in the Adult Video Industry.





And, I won't even get into Drug-Use and it's effects.

It's not-so black and white.

Safe Journey to All.

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Yahtzee's Mario Review!

try to get through this without laughing!

*heh*

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Mass Effect...and rampant sex?

So, there was the growing controversy between He-said, She-said between Fox News and EA. The following video is a parody on the "newscast" where the "expert", Cooper Lawrence had made a few "uneducated" statements including that the game allegedly features "full digital nudity and sex."

The game is rather off-the-hook, a cross between an RPG and FPS. I haven't gotten very far due to a rather inconvenient Xbox hardware snag. (I'm still waiting for MS to ship the repair box over *single tear*). The game is M-rated and has one network-TV-friendly sex scene late in the 30-hour game.play drama.

What adds to this drama?

Gamers took matters to heart and "attacked" her where they thought it would hurt — on the Amazon.com wgere Lawrence has a listing for the book that was plugged during her Fox News appearance, "The Cult of Perfection: Making Peace with Your Inner Overachiever." Gamers took to jotting down 400 scathing user reviews, many by gamers who admitted to not reading her book. All's fair, no?

Many of those reviews have been deleted, though many still have a negative slant. Amazing what the power of one-star ratings can do when done en masse.

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Giancarlo

Embedded Video

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Queen: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Yet another YouTube find.

Scary Movies!!

Last night I finally had the chance to go watch Sweeney Todd with Chris. It's a dark, sordid tale full of emotion and passion. Tim Burton delivers as usual with dynamic cinematography and macabre visuals. Pairing Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter only adds to the intense emotion and craziness!

    Still in that darkness, it resonated here and there...have you ever loved someone that couldn't see it? wanted to protect and shelter someone from the evil around them? been the victim of someone else's machinations? or dealt with the pain of being someone's whipping boy? Beyond the blood and gore, the tragedy reminds us to appreciate life, love, and the delicate balance of trust.

Did I mention it was a musical? heh. The lyrics need more than a once over. Go back and listen a second time. You'll find you missed something!



This clip below is a random find. But, paired up here because of the razor setup in the first scene. I will mention that it is by a sketch comedy troupe called, B-Sqad. And, they have a series of hilarious shorts. Enjoy!

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